Who's Your Daddy?

I was raised by my grandparents, I will elaborate more on that at a later date.  The reason why that is important to know is that is explains how I could go my whole life never knowing my father.  I was almost five when I was put into foster care, and the last time I remember seeing who I remember as my father was around the age of 3, I know this because I can specifically remember where David (my brother) was, he was strapped into his, I don't know what you call it, those things you put your baby in where you can buckle them in, they can rock back and fourth? Anyways it was one of those, and David was still a baby, meaning I was probably 3. The memory was of my dad and mom fighting, him in his all white cover up (he was/is a painter) David screaming, precariously perched on the to top of a recliner chair and furniture being hurled through the air, I remember begging them to stop, I was scared David would fall if something hit the chair.  The other memory was of him trying to teach me how to drink a beverage out of a glass, while laying down on the couch (this was tricky, I still can't do it without spilling it all over my chest and face lol)

So this blog starting thing happened at exactly the right time because, I found my dad on Facebook!  At first I wasn't sure. But my maiden name is Wiland and there aren't really that many people with that name and spelling in the U.S. so my search was immediately successful and over as soon as it started, the only question was, is this him?  I could only see a few clues, the picture didn't help at all, but I saw a website link.  It was a link to his painting business in San Jose... At this point I knew it had to be him, but I was still unsure of what to do with the information. This all happened almost a year ago now, I chickened out.

Earlier this week I did the search again and more thoroughly, I was able to ask my mom questions to confirm that this was in fact him. (I now have communication with my mother almost on a daily basis, it's something I have come to enjoy and look forward to - more explanation of that budding relationship will be saved for another day) And so I took the next step. I emailed him!  I wrote something short, sweet, and non dramatic, never using words like father or daughter, simply stating who my mother was and that I hoped he had found someone special to spend his life with etc.  

This was followed up by him sending me a friend request.  I was able to then stalk his wife's facebook (because women always have more photos and info on their facebooks then men of that generation!) I was able to see how happy they are together, and it made me HAPPY.  I've always acted so indifferent to parts of my family so it's a little strange to be changing this late in the game, to actually feel happy for him was nice. 

This morning when I woke up my phone was blown up with facebook update notifications, one of which says that my dad has emailed me back!  I have not read it yet and am excited/scared to do so. However I could not fall back asleep after seeing that, so now here I am blogging about it rather than reading it.  lol. 

SO that is where we are currently.  I am excited and will post an update to this. And at some point probably post information that makes the situations around why I was raised by my grandparents more clear, and why this is all such a big deal a little more clear. I just can't seem to really get into details when I know I am sharing this with others and not a singular person, it's weird, I mean I fully intended to lay it all out, but I am definitely holding back, so please don't blame me for this, I'm just not ready. I am so thankful for the friends and supporters I have.  In a personal one on one convo I had with any of you I would be 100% up front about it, but I just can't seem to find the release button to make that happen here.

I will say one of my main motivations for contacting my father, is to find out what other family I have out there, Brother's sister's, cousins, etc.  Things I always wondered growing up, you know?  Well that's it for now, I'll let you know how it goes from here on out!  Thank you so much for listening. xoxoxxoo, from Alaska!